It’s amazing just how much we can feel over the holiday season. There isn’t a person that I speak with that isn’t aware that the holidays can bring up many painful emotions either for them or for someone that they know. There are multitudes of blogs and posts that illustrate this point. Yet, in the back drop of our ever increasing stress are holiday songs (that seem to play in the stores way too soon), Christmas decorations, and loads of commercials all depicting happy families experiencing the beautiful connection of a holiday morning.
I recognize that for some, connective and fun holidays are a reality. There are many that enjoy this season and relish in the festivities that it brings. Yet, for so many this is not the case. Many of us can even begin the season with the expectation of happiness and end it on a note that is anything but joyful.

So what is it about the holiday season that brings pain to the surface for so many?

1. Loved ones that are no longer present during the holidays. These are people that we once enjoyed this special time with and holiday gatherings are a painful reminder that they are no longer with us. On the converse side of this, is “less than” loved ones that are no longer present. Often, a painful relationship that has ended because of death, also brings with it the realization that resolution will never be possible.

2. Unmet goals or expectations of self or others also can come in to focus at this time of year. Suddenly it’s November and we realize that the year is nearly over. What happened to the goals and dreams I had for this year?

3. Broken family relationships that we may choose not to look at during the year become painfully clear during the holidays. This can become particularly clear when we see all of those wonderful commercials that show case what looks like the “perfect” family.

4. Financial distress is compounded during the holidays simply due to the pressure we can feel to buy gifts. We then become even more aware of what we “don’t have”.

5. The most profound compounder of holiday stress often comes from the pressure we may feel (whether external or internal) to “be” joyful. Stress happens when I suppress what I really feel and put on a face so that I feel more accepted by others. The problem with this is that it takes a great deal of energy to wear a mask. So stuffing my feelings not only increases stress but it also makes me quite tired.

So what is the solution? How do we have a different experience over this holiday season? It really comes down to honesty and good self care. It’s important to talk with people who are willing to listen without judging. It’s also important to take the pressure off and be okay with sad feelings. Just by acknowledging those feelings and expressing them to someone who will listen, you will feel differently. This will help you to be present and not look for ways to check out.

It may also help you to see that there are things unresolved inside that need attending to beyond just a conversation. The holidays tend to surface what we already carry inside yet have avoided. Don’t miss out on the opportunity to discover what hurts so that you can find a process or a professional to help you.