I have been in the “business” arena for a long time through a variety of different industries in the sales and marketing field. I owned a corporation with a business partner for three and a half years. In 2010 I walked away from my corporate business and began searching for a new career. So when I started my own business as a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist® and later added Life Coaching, I brought with me several years of marketing expertise that should have propelled me in to almost immediate success.
The truth is; however, that I struggled those first few years. In spite of the fact that I was well versed in Grief Recovery and had been mentoring and coaching people for a long time, I had another obstacle that at times seemed almost insurmountable to overcome, that obstacle was me.
I grew up in a home where I was unseen, belittled and abused. As I grew in to adulthood I compensated for the internalized voices that spoke to me of my worthlessness by working hard to prove my worth. I was driven, perfectionistic, a people pleaser and though I showed an outer confidence, inside I was riddled with insecurities. That combination worked well in the corporate world, where a business entity stood between me and the people that I marketed to. However, once I stepped in to Grief Recovery and Life Coaching the only person standing between me and the people I served was, well me.
When I looked at the world around me through the lens of my internal dialogue, what I saw was competition and lack. I felt that others were better than me and that I needed to compete with those in the same field as me. I compared myself to other professionals and always came up short in my mind. I lacked two things, identity and right perspective. My focus on competition and comparison delivered just what my mind conceived, I was not enough, not making enough, insecure and stressed.
In spite of the fact that I was very good at what I did and should have had great results, I managed to create just the opposite. All because I had the wrong perspective and a misplaced identity.
It wasn’t improved marketing skills that turned things around for me. It was a shift in understanding that I am worthy no matter what result I get in business or relationship and secondly that a competitive mindset is simply a killer for relationships and for business.
I learned to celebrate the successes of others and to have gratitude for their skills. I learned that another’s blessing meant that I could be blessed too. Instead of seeing through the eyes of lack, I realized that there is more than enough for everyone. I began to refer people to other professionals if their need was a match. I focused on my side of the street, on being the best that I could be and praising people that were doing the same.
Just that shift in focus yielded incredible results. It turns out that when I referred people to professionals that matched them, I received referrals. When I praised others for their skills and celebrated their successes, others did the same for me. I was no longer alone, tight fisted, clinging to what little I thought I had, I was now open handed, giving and receiving in abundance.
There have been selected moments when an old thought pattern looks to emerge itself and overtake my psyche back to the disastrous train of competitive and lack thinking. It just doesn’t stick anymore. I’ve seen too many great results and have much more freedom with this new way of being.
