Here a great number of disabled people used to lie—the blind, the lame, the paralyzed. One who was there had been an invalid for thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, he asked him, “Do you want to get well?” John 5:3-6
I have found myself in this situation many times. Stuck in a rut, knowing that something is wrong, yet not desiring to do the very thing that will help me. At those times, I will often hear those words… “do you want to get well?” Even though I coach people and teach Grief Recovery for a living, I still have my moments when I want to turn away from the very thing that will help me. I, like so many others that I have coached or facilitated, want it to be a quick fix. I don’t want to “keep doing the work” because I want to get on the other side of things once and for all.
I have seen this in others also. They have been in pain, frustration, hurt, anger, fear, or bitterness for a long time. Or perhaps they have felt stuck for a long time. Or they are surrounded by life circumstances that are painful. Yet, in all of that, some times when asked that question, the answer through actions is no. They do not want to get well. I find that heart breaking. Though I can relate.
There was a time when I did not want to get well. I wanted it to be the fault of everyone else. I wanted to be rescued and I wanted someone or something other than God to do the rescuing because I was unwilling to walk through my own exposure and responsibilities to get there. The truth is, try as I did to find someone or something to rescue me, nothing worked. It was all quite miserable to some degree. The pain was almost unbearable, yet I did not want to take responsibility for what was going on inside of me. I wanted it to be fixed by something on the outside.
One of the best ways to tell if you are looking for a rescuer as opposed to healing is to look at what kind of help do you seek? Do you look for someone to tell you what your itching ears long to hear? Or do you look for someone who is willing to be honest with you? I’m not talking about someone who will berate you or try to fix you. I am talking about someone who will come alongside you, love you and help you to see your side of the street. Just getting that kind of help was life changing.
It was difficult because some of my initial injury started as a child when I was not at fault at all. It was not my responsibility. Yet, as an adult, the only person who could help what was going on inside of me, was me. Taking responsibility meant getting honest about what was in my heart, what I believed about myself and utilizing tools to get healing. There was a part that was my side of the street and there was a part that only God could do.
That kind of approach is what brings true life change. It requires going underneath the behavior and circumstances to the root of the matter. Our lives are a reflection of what is going on inside. If there are unresolved emotional hurts and negative belief systems, they will play out in the present. A wise woman once told me that our past is our present until it is healed.
I just had a situation recently where I lost someone that I cared about and it was very painful. I teach Grief Recovery, yet, I found myself in check out mode not wanting to go through the process of grieving her. Yet, I would rather walk through the hurt then carry it around with me for a lifetime. I would rather ask the tough questions and deal with the uncertainty that her loss brings than hide in the shadows afraid to be in my life. I would rather embrace the pain and feel it than work so hard and tirelessly to avoid it. I’ve done all those things for way too long. I want to get well.
