Today I got to pick PeeWee up from the vet after his surgery yesterday. He was so happy to see me and he seemed to be doing really well. As I am quite attached to this little guy I was very grateful. There was a chance that he would have a hard time waking up after surgery so of course I was worried. He’s been through a lot with me.
Tonight after Church service a group of us will be gathering to say good-bye to a dear friend of mine. She and her family are moving to Austin, TX and they leave on Sunday. I’m sad to see them go. A close friend of mine moved to Colorado earlier this year and another close friend is moving to Austin later this summer. I’m grieving. These are people that have helped shape my life. They have loved me and believed in me, even when I didn’t believe in myself. They are family. I know the right thing to say is that I’m happy for them. And of course in many ways I am. I want them to live their dreams. Yet, a part of me is truly sad that they are going.
I didn’t used to get like this about people leaving. I used to cut people out of my life very easily. I would feel nothing to lose a friendship that I’d had for years. I could shut down my heart and not even know it. Truthfully, I just didn’t get attached. To anything or anyone. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to attach to people, I just didn’t know how. I never learned.
Attachment is a serious part of living in community. We were created to attach to others because it is how we live a fulfilling life. Attachment is the heart of relationship. We learn the process of bonding when we are infants. Attachment also helps us to feel safe, loved and secure. Not only are we emotionally healthier when we are in functional attached relationships we are physically healthier as well. It’s amazing how much we need others.
What do we do when attachment is broken. When we don’t learn how to attach. When our earlier experiences of attachment are burdened with abuse and neglect, along with co-dependency. How do we learn this relational way of being that we so desperately need and rarely seem to get? The answer lies at the Cross. No matter how broken our earlier experiences of attachment, God through His act of sacrifice on the cross has the answer. He made a way for us to attach to Him through the most powerful relationship available to us. Once you connect with God, He puts the people, circumstances, tools and events in your life to break down the walls of self-preservation (that ultimately lead to loneliness and death) and gently grow you in to healthy attached relationship that leads to a vibrant life.
I was talking with a friend yesterday who said she is a daddy’s girl. She said that she lives her life that way. And you can see it on her. She’s vibrant and loving. She’s the kind of woman that you want to spend time with. There is an ease about her. Even though she is very driven, she highly values relationship. Her dad died suddenly when she was five years old. She was abused by her stepfather. She is now 63 years old (and maybe looks 50 at the very most). Yet, when she smiles and says she’s a daddy’s girl she points upwards to indicate God. He is her true Father. I love that about her.
My attachment started with a puppy named PeeWee. He came at a time when I was unable to let people in to my heart. I was too wounded to take that risk. And God used this little dog to open up my heart to love. Then He brought me in to a beautifully imperfect community to further my attachment all the while continuing to pursue my heart as I opened up. He brought me a therapist who is like a mother to me, Grief Recovery, and an abundance of other tools. And He used every bit of it. Then He brought me my husband (and initially I thought He made a mistake) who is now my best friend. My biggest attachment is with God. He has a hold on the deepest parts of my heart that are now entirely His. I pray He continues to take more and more as I hand them over.
Attachment is worth the risk!
